Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
