Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
