you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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