I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
