i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
