Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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