Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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