I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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