Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
