Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
