haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
