Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I don't deserve a penis
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
