He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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