grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
