My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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