there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize