You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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