awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
