so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
