Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
