Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
