i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
