Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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