remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize