maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
