Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
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