apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
