Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
