I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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