no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
