every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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