FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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