i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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