Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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