"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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