so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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