i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize