i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
