You don't have asthma, your pregnant
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
high people should be assigned attendants
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
