some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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