I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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