break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
She announced her abortion via fbk
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
