do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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