There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
