I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
