She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize