mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
