she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
