so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
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