the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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