As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
