its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
