he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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