he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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