I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
