ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I enjoy the company of your penis
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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