Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
