Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize