oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
