apparently the secret to your success is patron
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I don't deserve a penis
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Floor bacon is actually really good
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
