____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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