i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
