I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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