so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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