the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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