not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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