I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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