i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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