Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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