And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Randomize