He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
