The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
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