Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
