I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
