i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
apparently the secret to your success is patron
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
