Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
