No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
