I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
