He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
