i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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