She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just high enough for therapy.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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