Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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