That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
