You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
