a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
