You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I need a beard to bite.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
