Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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