She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
