i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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