whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
