We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
