I think my vagina is haunted
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
