Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
