So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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