Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
