i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
