No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
