Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
